5 Types of Girls in LeeU Greek Clubs

Don’t kill me, ghosts of TKO members past, but this is literally one of the first images that popped up when I searched “Lee University Greek Clubs.”

If you are or ever were a Lee University student, two words can either inspire fond memories or your gag reflex: Greek Clubs. Love them or hate them, they exist (and are actually fantastic when properly run) & will probably die off on the same day Lee installs an on-campus Starbucks or parking garage (So, never.)

A year ago, when I joined mine, I had no earthly clue about any of the Greek subculture; I didn’t even know about inductions. (Yeah. I was that out of it. Imagine a Disney character going into a coal mine. …Okay, weird metaphor.) However, the more & more acquainted I became with the system, the more I realized that, hey, there’s a big pattern in all of this.

The pattern is this: Everyone is the SAME. Yes, there are a few types of personalities that will always & have always been involved in Greek Clubs. No matter when or what club, my theory is that these people are current members:

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

1. The Crazy One.

Poor innocent Big Brothers. We know you must hate all this attention.

Especially known for: Obsessing after Big Brothers/any male in any Greek club (the word “slumming” is not a part of her vocabulary), taking sweating to a whole new level because she will do whatever it takes to get into a guys’ club (no. joke.), texting Big Brothers late into the night to express her obsession love for them. These girls are also on the “Might Get Pregnant” watchlist, so keep an eye out for them, for their own sakes.

2. The Needy One.

Okay, okay, we’ll respond to your group text.

Especially known for: Bless their hearts. These girls are never, ever to be trifled with because if so, they collapse like a improperly built Jenga tower. Let them have their long prayer requests and their tearful tweets & Facebook statuses because without them, what else are they supposed to do with their lives? Certainly not maintain healthy relationships or live without drama. That’s too much to ask.

4. The Naive One.

This was me once. I was obviously Snow White.

Especially known for: Not knowing literally anything about the “bad sides” of the club. People were drinking? Bobby & Christina are secretly dating? Sally now hates Kimberly? These girls are preciously, blissfully unaware. We should keep them like this. (I was one of those once, so I’m basically an expert.)

5. The Absentee. 

Interventions and inductions are the same thing.

Especially known for: Wait–is she still in the club? Usually this girl gets letters and then peaces out. Maybe a girls’ club is like a gateway drug to her: now she can easily maneuver into a guys’ club. Everyone loves the Absentee when she comes around, but unless she uses self-depreciating humor to highlight her absences or is a workaholic, an intervention each semester by her tap sisters is in order.

6. The Obsessive One.

Precious lambs.

Especially known for: Being annoying. Everyone loves a person who is loyal & devoted, like a human golden retriever! These girls, however, are a tad excessive. The antithesis of the Absentee, they wear letters every day, will probably include their club colors in their future wedding colors, and only hang out with their other club members. At least 50% of all texts, tweets, and Facebook statuses pertain to the club (and for sure 78% of all profile pictures.) This person needs to realize that Greek life, while pleasant, is not real life. These girls will be back at 2016’s tap night.

…Of course, my Greek club lacks all five of these personalities. This is about everyone else but us.